You never quite know what is going on behind the scenes but, at times, it is something you would never expect. We may even have some of these in our lives but we are not aware of it yet.
This was something that happened in one family and the mother reached out to the “Dear Therapist” advice column for help. It seems that she had a 30-year-old daughter and she didn’t know how to tell her that he is actually her biological father.
She said that she met her husband when they were older and he already had 2 kids and a vasectomy. Rather than use a sperm bank, they asked her husband’s adult son if he would take care of it.
All the while, the girl thought that the son of her stepfather was her brother, and he was in a way. He was also her biological father and her stepfather was her grandfather.
The Therapist had to be honest with the woman, although she was helpful when she gave her advice. After all, this is a difficult and touchy situation but it is one that needed to be handled.
To give more of a background, the vasectomy was done too long ago and it couldn’t be reversed. She also pointed out that her husband’s son was in agreement with helping.
She wrote: “We didn’t want to use a sperm bank, so we asked my husband’s son to be the donor … He agreed to help.”
She continued, “Our daughter is 30 now. How do we tell her that her father is her grandfather, her brother is her father, her sister is her aunt, and her nephew is her half-brother?”
“We felt that was the best decision: Our child would have my husband’s genes, and we knew my stepson’s health, personality, and intelligence.”
One of the things they were concerned about was how the daughter would handle the news. After all, she might no longer view the man that raised her as a father.
The Therapist said that the daughter would have to take it all in. She said: “As you think about how to have an honest conversation, keep in mind that there are two truths your daughter will be absorbing simultaneously: First, the person she calls her brother is her biological father, and second, the people she calls her parents have deceived her for 30 years.”
She also said the daughter should know the full truth.
When you first look at the advice, you might think it to be harsh. In reality, it was just solid advice.
She said “Secrets can literally make us sick,” and then added that everyone in the family had likely been affected.
She also said that there would likely be many conversations on the subject.
She wrapped things up, saying: “You clearly love your daughter, and we owe honesty to the people we love.”
